In December after Ashlyn turned 2, I went in for yet another surgery to burn off endometriosis. The pain was so bad, I had to go get the procedure done- again. The Dr. (same guy that's my OB) did the surgery and said it was bad. It was so deep in my uterus that he could not even touch it. That news was devastating. He said I needed a hysterectomy. I knew in my heart I did. I would have to, to eventually live a normal, pain free life. BUT I still wanted more kids.
At this point we had been trying over a year and I was losing hope fast. I had tried fertility drugs 5 or 6 times over the course of 2.5 years with no luck. Daniel and I finally got to the point where we wanted to adopt and/or do foster care. We were strongly advised not to take in a foster child and we knew adoption could take years and more money than we had. I was back to feeling hopeless. So, November 2014 rolls around and I decided this was the last time I would take fertility drugs. If it didn't work, I was done trying. Honestly. I couldn't take it anymore. Nope nope nope. I knew my Dr was only humoring me at this point. He was always kind and listened to my concerns and never pushed to just be done, but still gently reminding me how much I had working against me. So...the same as every month over the last 2.5 years, I got a big fat NOT PREGNANT. So I decided I was done. It wasn't meant to be and I was at peace with that. I mean I have 3 gorgeous and amazing daughters. I was grateful and so happy I had them! 3 kids was just what we were meant to have. December rolls around and I had zero intention of tracking dates anymore. But after a couple years it was just a natural thing. I had Dan go buy 2 tests- the kind that read out: pregnant or not pregnant... just to be sure. I always hated imagining there were two lines on the other test but not sure if my mind plays tricks on me....they always did.
SO, I decided not to test. There was no point. I would just take the unused tests back to the store and get some money for Christmas. The day before Christmas Eve (3 days after I COULD have tested) I had the feeling to test. I talked myself out of it for hours. No way was I putting myself through that for Christmas. Nope. It was like 2 in the afternoon and I knew it was eating at me. I took the test and rolled my eyes. Get ready for the big fat NO. I saw out if the corner of my eye that the words popped up. I grabbed it and went to just throw it in the trash. I decided to peek. It says: pregnant. Wait. What?!?! Whoa... WHAT?!?! I scream for dan to get in there; he comes running in and I just point to it. I start bawling. In total and complete shock. Again...what?! I tested the next morning...you know just in case. Still said I was pregnant. Wow!!! I saw the Dr. at only 5-ish weeks because he needed to make sure everything was ok since it was so hard to get pregnant.
I went and had an ultrasound at the hospital at a day or two shy of 6 weeks. There was a heart beat. Oh. My. Gosh!!! BUT...the baby was measuring a week and a half too small and did not have a good heartbeat. Devastating. Dr said I was high risk and I'd have to go in every 2 weeks to make sure there is even still a heart beat. Every time I went in after I would get blood work done and ultrasounds. That's a lot of appointments. Baby started growing and heart is great. I go in this week on Wed and I always get nervous but always leave smiling and tears of joy. I am pregnant and the baby is still ok!!! I am around 12 weeks now and sick as can be. I am finally showing and can find out if this one is a boy or girl in 3 weeks!!! I don't care if it's a boy or girl. I sincerely want both. I'm just glad I get another at all!!!!! This picture is the first scan I ever had done. The one that first let me know everything was ok!!
