Things I am good at:

forgetting things! That is what I am GREAT at!

I forgot that I was supposed to post pictures so I would stop being so behind

I forgot that I was going to make a separate blog

I forgot I was going to get more organized

I forgot to keep track of my kid's accomplishments (online. I write down most things in a messy way in a notepad)

I forgot to do my Ireland post that is a really important one

I forgot that I was going to remember to text people back AND respond to emails, messages of any kind for that matter

I forgot I bought this super amazing all hyped up help you with your memory book

I forgot what else I forgot.

sigh

saw the ENT today. He wasn't mean or anything but I didn't care for him. I wished I could have seen the one I am used to who did my girl's tubes and my tonsils, same ENT that my grandma still sees. His wait is over a month to see him though. My OB needed me to see one stat. This was the one. Oh well. He never gave me a chance to say anything I needed or wanted to say. I was clearly just a number to him. Another pay check for him. At least pretend to be friendly man.

I took a hearing and speech test. My hearing isn't horrible. Hooray! but it's on the very bottom of the "normal" scale. That's the left ear. My right is below what it should be. Might explain why I am so loud as I have a hard time hearing people... or myself. I need to take a new test- an hour long one that puts little electrodes on my head and I do all kinds of tests to determine if my dizziness and other issues are something my brain is doing wrong or if it is an inner ear problem. I also need to contact an optometrist and see if there is bulging behind my eye. eek! MIGHT explain why my vision is shot the last few weeks. My glasses are pointless these days and my eyes ALWAYS hurt. I always have pressure and pain. Can't wait to get this solved!!

I see my OB tomorrow. I saw him 2 weeks ago but he is seeing me every 2 weeks (for now) to check on baby. I am sure I will go to the 4 week appts when baby and I are consistently doing well. Get to hear the heart again tomorrow! yay! I felt it move a lot last night. so faint. So dainty. Hard to tell unless I am still and quiet. Made my belly jerk a couple of times. :)

Ok, that is all. my eyes are killing me. night

My bow business has been down for some time. I have had an extremely hard time juggling that with everything else going on but I have been dying to get going again!! My site is still down :( as my super busy husband is working on some new things for it.

I still make binky chains, socks, bracelets and of course bows but no one can see those yet so for now head over to my (FINALLY) updated blog and see what is new. Thanks! :)

you can check it out by clicking here

Uh oh I am in trouble

Last night I wanted a little boy so bad I couldn't stand it. I am aching to find out he is really a boy so i can get shopping, dreaming, planning. sigh

then I think about the fun bows, bracelets, socks and binky chains I can make. Oh the possibilities. I think about the dresses, nail polish, shoes, curly hair like both my girls. then I decided I need another girl. Oh my goodness I want this baby to be a girl.

WAIT!!! As I am typing this I have both my girls SCREAMING. yelling, tears, fits.

....but in all seriousness...

maybe I just need a boy.

heaven help me. just tell me already!!!!!!

don't get me wrong. I love my girls more than life itself. I WANTED two girls. wouldn't change them for the world. it's just one of those days. better go love on my little ladies. they need some cuddles!

I got a call from the dr office yesterday: my blood work all came back normal! That's awesome! Now I know baby (and me) isn't lacking any nutrition, anything vital to its growth or health and my electrolytes look fine. what a relief. Now we just need to figure out what the problem is. I was told I need to go see an ENT (ear, nose and throat dr) and get my ears checked. I figure while I am there I will have him look in my throat and get an idea why in 19 months my voice hasn't returned. I sound almost daily like I am sick. Anyway hopefully I will get some answers as to why I get so dizzy. We are hoping something is just wrong with my ears (pretty sure then it would be an easy solution!)

I was reading past posts and I realized I sound snotty. Angry. Whiny and rude. Made me sad. I really am not a 24/7 ornery person although it sure seems this way. Pregnancy really, really takes a toll on me. I struggle with numerous things during pregnancy and I know that I will going into it; but man, look what I get from it!! I see my kids and would do it all over again to get a beautiful angel baby :) So even though I have a lot of physical issues I am seeing that I need to not let it get to me mentally. I need a better, positive attitude. I AM happy. I AM nice. I am fun and friendly and kind. I just choose to write the negative aspects of my days. I am human, so occasional grumpiness is ok right?

I am behind on pictures and fun, and vacations, and play and all the things we have been up to. Going to play catch up tonight! :)

just an idea

I think I am going to make a separate blog for this pregnancy. That way I can keep better details, pics and anything personal about it when I want without driving anyone crazy. Well I guess if it drove people crazy they could just stop reading huh? :)

but I think it will be good for me to keep it separate from the family blog so it can be a better journal type thing to get out what and when I want but be able to find it later down the road instead of roaming through a ton of other posts with family stuff.

not sure what I would call it and it most certainly wont be fancy but I am excited. yay!

SO I have been thinking about my life. Where I used to be, where I am now. What kind of person I am and who/what/where I want to be.

I sometimes think I don't deserve things I have or my beautiful kids, but it's not my decision at what I "deserve." despite what I think most days, I am a good person and I am a good mama and I love looking at how far I have come. I found 2 pics just now one is of Leighton's blessing day and the other is the day I had Leighton and the pic is with both my girls. I am blessed and need to focus more on THAT than what I am not doing right. Like in my last post I talked about being grateful. I am always grateful!

Let's be grateful

I am mean and grumpy. These hormones are kicking my butt and with me STILL being sick (yes still throwing up from time to time, ugh!) and not having time to take make my house look fabulous and this and this and that I feel I complain way more than I thank. I nag more than I appreciate. Not nice. Not cool. With this special holiday approaching I see a lot of people taking the time to say each day what they are thankful for. I did it I think twice. Not that I am not thankful for things, because I truly am; I just don't remember to post daily on facebook.

I am a primary teacher. I teach the sunbeams. I have 16 kids on my roll but usually get 10-11 at the most each week (rarely less than 8-9.) In Primary each week someone gives a "reverent thought" and as much as I usually would like to listen to these I am usually hushing the busy talkers or telling them to sit or whatever else. One day though I got lucky and heard a reverence thought and I LOVED it! To help her sleep at night she(the woman who told the story) would go through the alphabet and with each letter she would say something she was grateful for. cool idea huh? The day I heard that I smiled because the night before I fell asleep naming off things I was thankful for. Her idea sounds funner though.

I think I will try that tonight. I was going to write out the things I am grateful for but I need to get my housework done now while the kids sleep or I won't. That way I can be thankful for my clean home :)

What I will say though is to be patient. Be kind. Things I work on daily I ask of anyone who may read this. Be grateful and positive. Do the best you can anyway. I feel often I am not good enough at most things and that attitude is only going to bring me down. Love those around you and tell them so. Cherish the people you have in your lives.

I read a neat Marriage talk my brother saved me off his mission that gave me some good tips and I will tell you a part of it in my own words as I don't remember exactly: There was a woman whose husband never would empty the sink trap after doing dishes and it drove her INSANE. She would nag at him and nag at him to just empty the trap after. then one day she realized: he just DID the dishes AGAIN. cool now all she has to do is empty the sink trap. :)

I really like that story and need to remember it more often.

Anyway those were some of my random thoughts. Now I really have to go get my house picked up. :)

**I am grateful I have a house!! :)

update

Went to the dr today. Heard a heartbeat!!! WHEW what a relief! Baby is ok!

Told him about my dizziness and numbness in my belly.... yeah he doesn't like that at all :( He had them do a rush order on my blood work to hopefully get a clue what is happening to me. He also wants to see me in 2 weeks instead of the usual 4. He needs to make sure baby is still ok. He will call me within 2 days with my blood results. Hoping we get an answer! Also have not gained a single pound so far. Dr wasn't concerned. He was way more worried about my other issues. Guess now that I am getting sick less and less ( I hope!!) I better start feeding my face!! gonna plump this baby up!! :) Also apparently I can't count... we don't find out the sex of the baby the week of Christmas, well we can but I can technically find out the week before Christmas! Thanks to Sheena's idea we are going to go to fetal fotos the week before Christmas and have them find out the sex and not tell us. We as a family will look at the pics and video of the baby and find out all together for Christmas!! Except we will be finding out Christmas Eve. So fun!

On to non pregnancy news......

oh I guess I have nothing.

yay it's almost Christmas!! Suppose I should get shopping eh?

I seriously, seriously procrastinate. I also have zero time to shop and when I have time, like now I don't have a vehicle. ooh I love online shopping maybe I should do it all that way. Stay in my nice warm house.

I am hungry

I am sleepy

is 550 pm too early to go to bed?? It is when you have a 1 and 3 year old. Why don't they want to go to bed early?

I am in a random mood. Here are some random pictures:

My parent's 3 grandbabies. Leighton, Xander and Ireland

family pic in Moab (OH! I never did my last Moab post, sigh)

me and my mum

Me, my mom, my sister