Friday, February 13, 2015

Baby #4

When I had my 2nd child, my Dr. said I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. My endometriosis is bad. I also get ovarian cysts that when they rupture, it causes scar tissue which makes my organs stick together.  That alone can cause infertility. So, that combined with endometriosis made it pretty much a for sure thing that we were done having kids. I was confused because I always felt so strongly that I would have 5 kids. It's what I wanted so badly. I was also so, so grateful for the 2 I had that I could never be mad or ungrateful. Daniel and I decided to try anyway. 1st month of trying, I got pregnant with #3- Ashlyn. The dr was beyond certain that was a crazy miracle and I couldn't get so lucky again. (Ps. My OB is also a fertility specialist). I still felt strongly I was going to have more kids. We started trying again (you know...still having hope) a couple months after Ashlyn turned one. A girl can always dream, right?!

 In December after Ashlyn turned 2, I went in for yet another surgery to burn off endometriosis. The pain was so bad, I had to go get the procedure done- again. The Dr. (same guy that's my OB) did the surgery and said it was bad. It was so deep in my uterus that he could not even touch it. That news was devastating. He said I needed a hysterectomy. I knew in my heart I did. I would have to, to eventually live a normal, pain free life. BUT I still wanted more kids.
 At this point we had been trying over a year and I was losing hope fast. I had tried fertility drugs 5 or 6 times over the course of 2.5 years with no luck. Daniel and I finally got to the point where we wanted to adopt and/or do foster care. We were strongly advised not to take in a foster child and we knew adoption could take years and more money than we had. I was back to feeling hopeless. So, November 2014 rolls around and I decided this was the last time I would take fertility drugs. If it didn't work, I was done trying. Honestly. I couldn't take it anymore. Nope nope nope. I knew my Dr was only humoring me at this point. He was always kind and listened to my concerns and never pushed to just be done, but still gently reminding me how much I had working against me. So...the same as every month over the last 2.5 years, I got a big fat NOT PREGNANT. So I decided I was done. It wasn't meant to be and I was at peace with that. I mean I have 3 gorgeous and amazing daughters. I was grateful and so happy I had them! 3 kids was just what we were meant to have. December rolls around and I had zero intention of tracking dates anymore. But after a couple years it was just a natural thing. I had Dan go buy 2 tests- the kind that read out: pregnant or not pregnant... just to be sure. I always hated imagining there were two lines on the other test but not sure if my mind plays tricks on me....they always did.

SO, I decided not to test. There was no point. I would just take the unused tests back to the store and get some money for Christmas. The day before Christmas Eve (3 days after I COULD have tested) I had the feeling to test. I talked myself out of it for hours. No way was I putting myself through that for Christmas. Nope. It was like 2 in the afternoon and I knew it was eating at me. I took the test and rolled my eyes. Get ready for the big fat NO. I saw out if the corner of my eye that the words popped up. I grabbed it and went to just throw it in the trash. I decided to peek. It says: pregnant. Wait. What?!?! Whoa... WHAT?!?! I scream for dan to get in there; he comes running in and I just point to it. I start bawling. In total and complete shock. Again...what?! I tested the next know just in case. Still said I was pregnant. Wow!!! I saw the Dr. at only 5-ish weeks because he needed to make sure everything was ok since it was so hard to get pregnant. 

I went and had an ultrasound at the hospital at a day or two shy of 6 weeks. There was a heart beat. Oh. My. Gosh!!! BUT...the baby was measuring a week and a half too small and did not have a good heartbeat. Devastating. Dr said I was high risk and I'd have to go in every 2 weeks to make sure there is even still a heart beat. Every time I went in after I would get blood work done and ultrasounds. That's a lot of appointments. Baby started growing and heart is great. I go in this week on Wed and I always get nervous but always leave smiling and tears of joy. I am pregnant and the baby is still ok!!! I am around 12 weeks now and sick as can be. I am finally showing and can find out if this one is a boy or girl in 3 weeks!!! I don't care if it's a boy or girl. I sincerely want both. I'm just glad I get another at all!!!!! This picture is the first scan I ever had done. The one that first let me know everything was ok!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Good thing I'm determined

So I couldn't figure out how to post pictures from my phone to my blog. I am on Daniel's computer, So we will see how this goes:
Ashlyn's ultrasound on her belly
Christmas party at Grandma Margie's
We rode trax downtown to see the lights at temple square. The only thing they cared about, was racing to touch that Temple!
"If you let your children touch the Temple, it will touch them!"

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This is our elf Isabella. This is the first year we have had an elf. I am not super into extravagant pranks and hiding places. Isabella getting into my make up was as fancy as we got. My kids didn't care if most days she was just sitting somewhere new. 
Lei was my only child willing to stand in the freezing temps on New Years to play with the sparklers :)

dust this thing off

It's been 2 years since I last posted. I used to always update. It's been so long that I genuinely had no idea how to make a new post. Haha. I have a ton of pictures to dump. I usually update Facebook and put my pictures there. I'm so sick of Facebook. That site has gotten so stressful, depressing and exhausting. I love to jabber on and post a million pictures. So...I will come back to this :) now I just have to remember how to get pictures on here....just kidding I have no idea how to do it. Lame. Once I can get on an actual computer, maybe I can. Haha. Well....I tried to update. This girls sucks at technology.

Friday, November 2, 2012

So much to catch up on

I was going to do a catch up post but as I type this of course having 3 kids ages 1, 3 and 5 life is busy and they need mama. So I will try again.... soon? Hopefully. Daniel is gone to basic and here he is:
super hot!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

So....I'm an Army wife?!

Oh my goodness, where do I begin with this? ok, so it is a given by the title: I am now an Army wife. "What in the heck" you ask?? Yeah... I am still asking the same thing. Believe it. Let me explain. I have mass amounts of respect for the military. I don't understand it, what all it entails or what most the "military lingo" is or means. I respect it, I just don't get it you know? Anyway so Daniel has said a couple times he used to have a desire to go in the military. Well since he was now married and had 3 kids, there was no possibility of it happening. He had a friend recently enlist and is in training and leaving for active duty soon. Scary but exciting! Daniel approached me (not wanting to do it, just casually mentioning it)and saying if he had ever joined he would do this or this or that. We laughed how "too bad it can't happen now." So one day I was laying there and the feeling came over me that he was supposed to join the military. Uh....NO!! The feeling came many, many times. I pushed those thoughts out and assumed it was just the random discussions getting to me. I didn't say anything to Dan. Well this continued and I felt an overwhelming feeling I needed to tell him my thoughts. Absolutely not. not happening. It all was so scary to me. Well Daniel comes in one day to say something and in my head I am actually arguing with myself after a strong feeling to talk to him. I was actually debating in my head how dumb it was to say anything. He starts to walk away and I called after him: "we need to talk!" WHAT?! ugh. So he sits down and I start shaking. I say I think he needs to join the military. I think his jaw may have hit the floor. I am pretty sure he thought I was kidding. Apparently I wasn't. He didn't want to join. It's not what is right for our family for him to join at this time in his life. Who knows at that point what came over me. But we actually discussed it. Then prayed. Then prayed again, again and again. Then prayed some more. Then fasted. Then went to the temple and fasted and prayed more. This went on for weeks! We both got our overwhelming yet very clear answer: Dan was supposed to join. WOW! Anyway he wanted to join the Marines- that was always what he thought would be cool. They turned him down because he "had too many dependents." So we kind of took that as a "maybe this wasn't meant to be" kind of thing. Not the case. We still kept getting the feeling he was supposed to go. He tried the Army- they gave him a test called an ASVAB test where you need a 31 to get in. The highest you can get is 99 and the national average is a 53. well Daniel got a 97! So... he got the waiver that basically said it's ok that you are married with 3 kids- we will take you! I guess he did well enough that he could pick any job he wanted in the Army. how cool! He went in to do all the physicals and tests and all the things to make sure he is good to go. He was. Oh except he has some sort of weird color blindness that makes no sense and they even said it was a weird case because he can see all colors just not when two certain colors are put together or something. anyway that was enough to knock down pretty much all the jobs in the army except for 2! Sad. They said it was a waste because of his scores, he could have had any job he wanted. My heart was sad for him. Anyway this is all still new to me so I am not sure what to make sense of everything still. I honestly am not sure ALL the reasons he is supposed to go- but he is. Sounds insane- it is! But we have already figured out several reasons how this will benefit us and bless our family in so many ways. He will not go into active duty- unless there is a draft. He is signed onto the Army Reserves for 8 years. Oh! I have to tell my nightmare story about him being sworn in. I was under the impression we wouldn't see him get sworn in. So I was at a friends all day while he did all his physicals and such. We were in the parking lot waiting for him to finish. We had been swimming all day. Sweaty, dirty, covered in sunscreen, unbelievably tired!! I had just given the kids gogurts in the car, which of course were all over faces, hands and clothes. Just then Dan says "come on in- you can see me swear in!" yay! but ugh look at us!! We were gross, tired and just- not public appropriate. ha ha. So I pull the kids in there thinking it would happen right then. We sat on some benches and I discovered Ash had a messy diaper. Well since we were going right back, I didn't want to leave to change her, wait outside, get let in just to be wanded and asked if I had drugs or weapons on me just to chance missing my husband. So.... I let her be for a minute. Which turned into an hour wait!! The kids were bored and so grumpy.Of course there were no other kids and I am sure people were annoyed with my monkeys. I found a pen in the bathroom and let them draw on paper towels! Then a cool guy came over with a bag for each girl that had pencils, bracelets, stickers, coloring books, crayons, a toy, etc. yay! I kept thinking we would go back any minute so we stayed put. Then they just came and said time to go. We went back and it was time to swear him in! I was emotional, proud and excited. Ready to take pictures. Too bad the baby decided right when they were swearing in to start screaming! Not a mad scream, a high pitched- ear piercing- I am so happy I can't stand it scream! The more I shooshed her, the more she thought it was hilarious! Nothing would distract her. She also kept trying to pull the flag down by pulling on the pole. Could you imagine if the FLAG fell especially during the ceremony?! ahhhhh. Pulling her off it made her laugh and shriek more. I was humiliated and couldn't quiet her. Nothing that usually distracts her would work. I had my back to Dan the whole time and I didn't dare leave in the middle of it, with the soldiers in front of the door and me having to walk through the men swearing in. I couldn't just leave. We were at the very front and the door was behind everyone. Anyway the second they were done Ash was silent. I apologized over and over and over. Everyone was nice and said they knew how kids were or saying "she was fine" ha! Anyway it happened so fast (but in the moment felt like FOREVER!) and it was just one of those things. *dramatic sigh* Looking back now I just laugh. That's life and kids are unpredictable. :) ANYWAY Daniel is officially signed on to the United States Army and we are so so so proud of him!!! He leaves for basic training in a month and a half. he will be gone for 17 weeks. ugh. How sad is that?! Well now that everyone knows this, it might make more sense why we felt we were supposed to move back to Salt Lake despite our immense love for St. George. It was mostly so I can have help while Dan is gone. (I will be living with my sister) None of this was a rushed decision. It may seem insane to some! Some may say we are complete idiots. That's fine. This is our choice and what we feel is best for our family. We are so proud of him and his choice and support him 100% He is an amazing, selfless man who does what he can for his family, his Heavenly Father and his country. We hope everyone can be as supportive and excited as we are for him!! And that is my story of me becoming an Army wife. yippee!! here is one of the few shots we got at his swearing in:
Also.. I realize I sound so negative about it (well before we decided he would go.) I think it was because I was so scared that he might actually go and have to leave us for so long. Now that I realize it is right and all that is involved with it, I am actually really excited!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

6 months

Ashlyn is 6 months old. Little cutie pie. She sits and rolls and scoots and loves to eat almost anything. Her favorites are squash, crushed graham crackers, apples, pears, bananas. She still sucks on her big toe and thumb. She loves to play with my hair.

Just took her to her check up. She is 13 pounds now. She is 25th ish percentile for height and weight- not bad. She is ridiculously adorable.

Here are some pictures within the last few weeks. All taken on a phone so... not good quality but still glad to have any pictures of her for now :)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I will vent here so I do not scream

I am always up for venting to the world when I am frustrated as to not take it out on anyone I love :)

where to begin...

A couple of months ago I broke a tooth and didn't have dental insurance but recently through Daniel's work we were blessed to get good coverage and I scheduled an appt. and went in to a local dentist here. The dentist introduces himself and looks in my mouth (now let me make this clear. my teeth suck. I have had more work than almost anyone in the world. jk but I have had LOADS of work done. I get it. Its not sexy to have teeth like these but whatever) and he says this is wrong, this this this and this and this was wrong and was like making all sorts of un- called for comments that totally sucked to hear and I was super humiliated. I put my head down as tears trickled down my face. I was ashamed and he looks at me and starts laughing! wow. super sweet guy. I seriously have never in my life been treated like that and I am so sensitive and I just sat there and took his crap. So as my eyes are closed and I am collecting myself, I let him keep poking around in there and speaking of poking around... he pokes me with the needle to numb me. um..... what?! yeah apparently I was getting a root canal. Just like that. A freaking root canal. Good thing I had warning huh? Whatever, get it over with. Well he must have been in a super big hurry because he started to drill and I wasn't numb!!! Ahhh. just shoot me. I asked THREE times for the gas and the 3rd time he laughs and says "Oh yeah you wanted gas huh?" So anyway about 5 mins later he was done. lovely. He got to only do half and I was going to have to come back after a couple weeks of antibiotics.

I get home and tell Daniel the story of what happened and he told me to see a new dentist. Here's why I can't: the insurance only covers certain things and I had already gotten all my x rays and things that were allowed. I refused to go to ANOTHER dentist to be embarrassed again and then have to get all my xrays done again and get their opinion and pay out of pocket. no thanks.

So yesterday I go back to finish the root canal. He didn't say anything ignorant to me luckily but my heck he is such a mean man. He was so rude to his employees and belittles them right in front of me. Not once did he say please or thank you to them and talks to them like they are incompetent. I felt bad for them... looking back I can see how I have yet to see another patient in his office and not once did the phone ring while I was there. I am surprised he is still in business. Do others really go and put up with this man?? anyway so my work is coming along fine and then my jaw starts to hurt. Like bad, bad, bad and I don't know what to do I just pray it is over soon and I can shut my jaw. (remember how I said I have had tons of work done? I have had my mouth open longer then that in a dentist office before and never had it hurt like that so I was amazed how sore I was so soon) this man is not gentle at all and is pushing so hard as he works, which normally would be ok but it sent shooting pains through my jaw on the left side and all I wanted to do was close my jaw. It was getting worse and when he was done he told me to close. I tried. My jaw wouldn't shut!! It was the worst pain ever!! I said "I can't!" He then proceeds to try to force my jaw closed. ahhhhh! I was screaming, I could not believe how bad that hurt and here is this guy determined he would get my jaw to shut by one hand on my head and one hand on my chin. I literally thought he was going to break my jaw. I was screaming and trying to pry his hands off my chin. I was crying and trying to breathe and get him off of me. The two ladies were trying to massage my jaw joints and he kept shoving and it finally snapped shut. He all matter of factly says "there we go." I was sitting there shaking and crying and my mouth hurt so unbelievably bad. He explained my jaw dislocated and showed me with his hands what happened to my jaw joint and explained that it does not happen very often but occasionally it does and I need ibuprophen and heat when I got home. Then he sent me on my way. um.... ok. Thanks? So I get home and it feels pretty ok..... as long as I didn't smile, talk, laugh, yawn or chew. I called the dentist office later and just needed to know how long to expect to feel this way. She said a few days and told me to take tylenol too. Then as the night went on my jaw was throbbing, sending pain into my ears and my head hurt worse and worse and down my neck on the left side. I felt waves of something that felt like I had the flu. I was hurting so bad I almost went to the hospital. I had Daniel give me a blessing and chose to go to bed. I slept alright and woke up feeling better than last night. but now it is almost 3 pm and I am just aching. My ear hurts, my head and neck and it kills to chew. Or laugh, or yawn or... you get it. A few mins ago the dentist receptionist calls to check on me. I tell her I am not ok and tell her about last night. She sounds confused and says "well that's weird. Well if it isn't better by Monday call us ok?"

What in the world?? That place is a joke!! I googled jaw dislocation last night and everything I read said in bold letters DO NOT FORCE JAW CLOSED when it becomes dislocated. uh he most certainly DID force my jaw closed!! it said to have a professional carefully close it after muscle relaxer was given and a numbing medicine in the jaw joints. I had none of that. Just these huge, un caring, un gentle hands shove my jaw back. How about that??

Where do I go from here? Do I complain about him? If so to who? his staff? do I let it go? Do I go get checked at a hospital? Did he do anything wrong? Am I just a super duper baby? ugh. I am in pain and more confused than ever and at a complete loss. I don't have a clue.
That is my vent for the day